The following interview with an anonymous "submissive man" is meant for educational and informational purposes. If reading about lifestyles different than your own offend you, stop reading now.
If you know me, you know I love love and I love people; all kinds of people. I strive to be open-minded and loving to everyone I meet. In our society February is considered a month of love. So when I was approached by my interviewee, I was excited not only to learn more and inform my following, but even more excited to give voice to someone who has a very successful relationship but may "love" differently than some of us.
It is my absolute pleasure to speak on behalf of those who may feel they can't speak openly about who they are. It's been my experience that while we are all individuals with varying preferences, we're not so different after all.
For the sake of privacy we will call my interviewee Tom.
Me: What is the definition of a "submissive man"? or what is YOUR definition?
Tom: A man who understands that the natural order of things is to kneel and worship at the feet of his woman, and I do mean that quite literally... A man who understands that the world has long gotten away from the way things were intended to be, and that men have been wrongfully in power and women oppressed for far too long.
Me: Does 'submissive' mean strictly in the bedroom?
Tom: While it would be considered mainly in the bedroom a truly submissive man will never stop serving his Dominant Goddess. He will respect privacy boundaries if she so wishes but still in some form or fashion the dominance and submission never has to stop.
Me: If not, how does being a submissive man look in day to day life? i.e. emptying the dishwasher? who's paying for dinner? who controls the tv remote? stuff like that.
Tom: A good submissive will take on most if not all of these responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning etc.. And as far as control, lol well let’s just say a submissive man is another term for slave and it is right that the woman be in control at all times UNLESS she decide to relinquish that power.
Me: When did you learn that you were a submissive man? Is this something like "coming out" as homosexual? Do you tell your friends/family. Or is it something one keeps private between yourself & partner?
Tom: I learned at a very young age. It was a bit of an accident I must confess I will spare some details but I stumbled across the fetish world (submission and domination) and I was INSTANTLY hooked and craving more. All my life growing up I just knew I would be in a Dom/Sub relationship one day and that I was made for it. It also lead me more to it when I discovered specific fetishes that most submissive men have such as humiliation and such. I couldn’t get enough of that either. Also feeling like it was what I was made for. So I ran with it and it very much became who I was, but as far as telling family and friends, that was a no-no. It can tend to be a bit embarrassing to be so submissive and like the things we like, so I always opted to keep it a secret.
Me: Is your partner a dominatrix?
Tom: I believe that term involves being a professional of sorts and doing it for money so I will so no, but she is in fact so dominant that she does enjoy all the kinks that a dominatrix should.. So in a way yes, she is my dominatrix.
Me: If a man suspects he is a submissive how does he go about attracting a woman who's down for that?
Tom: Be honest and open about it, and forth coming with it too.. It isn’t really something you can wait to tell because it can for sure be a deal breaker if the woman isn’t dominant or has no interest in it.
Me: Tell me more about communication in a relationship with a submissive man? Does he get to express his needs, wants, desire or have a right to get them met?
Tom: He is free to express any and all desires and needs, and a good Dominant woman will meet all of them, but at her time and under her control. The submissive never actually has control over anything that is surrendered when you commit to being submissive.
Me: If a woman likes her man submissive at times and dominant at times, is a submissive man for her?
Tom: There are submissive men that are capable of being switches, meaning they can do both.. But that depends entirely on the specific man, it is something that should be discussed as far as expectations go.
Me: Does leadership switch back and forth at all in a relationship with a submissive man?
Tom: Perhaps to the outside world it may seem so at times, but between the man and the woman, both know that his place is ALWAYS at her feet.
Me: What else do you want the world to know about being a submissive man?
Tom: I want them to know that is isn’t as unnatural and weird as everyone thinks it is. Also, if more people gave it a try I think they would find so much peace, physically, spiritually and sexually.
Here's what I would like for my reader to take away from this interview: Love doesn't always look like we think it should.... meaning tall, dark & handsome, 36-24-36, or a 783 credit score. I also want to encourage you to be a safe person for others to be themselves.
Be open. Stay open.
Being in a Dom/Sub relationship may not be for you. Learn to know and love yourself so that you can express yourself openly and honestly to your partner or potential partner.
Make impeccable agreements. Tom & his partner have a beautiful relationship because they communicate openly with each other. Period.
Someone once told me that "being heard" is so close to "being loved" that most people can't tell the difference. Whether you're searching for love or you have love, always be honest with yourself. Secondly, always be honest with your partner.
Expressing yourself without blame or criticism and creating safe space for someone to do the same... That is LOVE.
Please include your loving comments below.