When I was a kid growing up on the East side we spent hours everyday playing outdoors with the neighbor kids. I have very little recollection of adults being around at all. Maybe there were at work? I don't remember involving them in our day-to-day disagreements. They encouraged us to, "work it out on our own". Today, it seems parents are hovering around in all the wrong places.
What is with parents today? Is everyone under the delusion that there child does no wrong? If they're not THAT deluded, then they firmly believe when their child makes a poor choice someone else MUST be to blame. What is that about?
I have a few theories... and the issue runs deep.
Victim mentality? Maybe so. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. I'm gonna eat some worms. No one is playing with me. So-and-so threw a rock at me (course I failed to mention I threw the first rock, but mine missed). Crybabies. Parents, stop it. Do us all a favor and knock off this bully buzz word crap and realize 98% of the time, YOUR kid is the instigator.
Sense of entitlement? Could be. These days we give our kids everything. Why? Because we can. When I was growing up and wanted that pack of gum at the checkout and my Mom said "No, it's not in the budget.". It really wasn't in the budget.
We don't realize we do more damage than good by giving our kids everything. We don't want their "self-esteem" to suffer. Baloney! We create in them the idea that if they want it, they should have it. Right now. We're making monsters. These monsters turn into our co-workers, employees even spouses. Struggle is good. It creates character. It's OK if your kid doesn't get it right now, or ever for that matter.
Lack of personal responsibility? Sounds like it. OK so maybe I did do it, but I had an excuse. It didn't hurt anyone. He hit me first. What's the big deal? He was with me and it was HIS idea. It happens all the time. I forgot.
Devoid of social graces? Most likely. Call me old fashioned, but I think it's NORMAL to look someone in the eye when they're speaking to you. I think when my child walks into your house, they should greet you. I believe when you ask for something, say please. When you get it, say thank you. When you break it, fix it, or replace it. If you messed it up, clean it up.
You know that man at the store that let's the heavy glass door close on you when your hands are full of packages? He was someone's kid. Probably had a sense of entitlement, a victim mentality and is clearly devoid of social graces. Poor fella.
If you are a parent who gets involved in your children's affairs on a regular basis. News Flash: You could have a kid with one of the above conditions. Next News Flash: It's probably your fault.
I firmly believe it is our jobs as parents to teach our children to learn to make good decisions when they are away from us. This begins at home. When they learn to make decision and mistakes in the safety of a loving environment. I believe my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise up a child that becomes an independent, free-thinking, productive, polite adult. I've also learned this will not happen because I want it to. It will happen by the sheer sweat of my brow and my broken record reminders, prods and prompts. Hard work.
We are involved in the things we should not be. We don't dig in to the areas of the heart that really make them into fine human beings. Soccer, violin, chess club and ballet do not make you a good parent or them a good child. My kids are naughty. I'm just telling you. I know this about them. I will support them when they need me, but I will not excuse poor behavior or leave poor choices without that teachable moment. All I ask is that you do the same.